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For many of us an analogy can help. Its like sitting in a car that won't move, while knowing you are going to be late to your destination. Arriving to your destination late holds dire and negative consequences that affect you and others in big ways. You freak out because nothing circumstantially seems in your control. The feelings triggered in this moment may be layered (annoyed, angry, scared, stuck or trapped, etc.), AND they sure are loud! These feelings can drive thoughts and judgements in your head about yourself and others in your world (Why am I fucking up again? Or why is this happening to me, or why didn't so-in-so put gas in the car, or the people at my destination will think ___________, or why... and by the way you can barely even "hear" all of these thoughts and feelings because it is so so very noisy in the car... its hard for any of your senses to be sharp as they are overwhelmed by this deafening noise. As you try desperately to figure out what you can do, you assess the situation again and have now traced the source of the noise .... you have one foot on the brake, pressed all the way to the floor and the other foot pressing just as hard on the accelerator at the same!! You realized that the "why" is this noise happening carries serious implications. This WHY also keeps you feeling trapped because to extricate from this non-functional situation (getting one of your feet off of at least one of those pedals, you would likely let off of the brake or the accelerator just enough that the car could reel out of control, and no one wants that, right?! So, here you are. Your are trapped, trapped angry, or scared, or powerless, in a stimulus overwhelm realizing it seems as if you have caused this situation and feel shame or blame even as your ears are now numb and your whole body is tense and constricted trying to keep it all going so as to not have an even worse situation on your hands..... right???

This is trauma, metaphorically speaking. There is a lot of science now that backs this up and builds understanding about why this happens. Therapy is about you learning how to feel "safer" in a SMARTER more personalized way instead of continuing the process in a HARDER way that may not fit you. With time, (metaphorically speaking) clients start finding the choice points in their lives. They learn to manage their "panic" or trauma response, in this car analogy, this allows them to see options that seemingly never existed before; Reaching down with their hand and turning the car off completely, rolling down the window and asking for help, or simply waiting until the gas runs out. The options become numerous! Its crazy how many choices we actually have, yet our "stuff" makes these choices hard to find or it can act as blind spots to seeing they can even exist. Welcome to Choices in Change Therapy.

Beginning therapy is like choosing the option that says "ask for help." While we are wired for healing we are also wired for connection - in other words, our physiology is designed in such a way that we (the experts) know it is through safe connection that we can lower our defenses enough to come present to our fears and vulnerabilities. The number one predictor of client outcomes in psychotherapy is the relationship between the client and therapist. And guess what? All of us therapists know that. So we work together with clients to discern our fit together, we partner together to observe what helps and what doesn't and as the client you get to work through your "stuff" with an ally, not your parent or boss, family member, neighbor, etc. - someone who simply holds space, intentionally, for you and as gently or loudly or as directly as needed, consciously treats you as the valuable person you are.

An Analogy for Therapy